Sorry

So I have been a little ornery lately and I don't really have any real reason to be like this, So first off I want to apologize for my last post! You know when you just start to type and you are venting and you don't stop typing until it is all out of your system!? Well that's what I did. That is why people have journals! Why do I feel the need to make my mood swings public knowledge and post them for the world to see? I don't know? I am still learning. After I posted my last post I instantly regretted it. I am usually pretty private abut my personal feelings and problems. haha.. so sorry to all of you that had to read it. Unfortunately I cant promise that it wont happen again. Ha ha!

how do you do it?

ok, So I have been a flight attendant for 2 years now so nothing is new when it comes to having to leave for work every week! When Brandon and I first got married I dreaded leaving for work SO much! the night before I would get sick to my stomach get anxiety, and nauseous. It has gotten better, we were getting used to it I guess. Then the last month or so I have been SOO dreading work again. I break into tears every time I have to leave! I don't want to pack I don't want to think about leaving I just cry! my husband is sooo sweet he just holds me and lets me cry. (I am a big baby lately and no I am not pregnant). I thought I was getting better, now all I want to do is stay home! I have been wanting to stay home and raise babies, whats wrong with that? I am perfectly content with just being a mom! Not that I am a mom yet! But I would like to be. I just don't know how you guys do it! (and I don't mean how do you make babies). How do you stay home with kids and afford to pay the mortgage have your husbands and your self go to school and work and still live? I have asked this question a million times and I still don't know how it's done! I cant afford to quite my job because we need two incomes to pay for everything! Mortgage, cars, insurance, phones, HOAs, utilities, School tuition and the list goes on and on... Is every one just all independently wealthy and I just don't know about it? All I want to do is stay home and be able to be a normal wife and hopefully not to long from now a normal mom too. One that doesn't have to fly out four days a week! One that can keep her house in order not always feeling like she is living out of a suitcase, one that can make diner for her husband and run errands, and do normal stuff! I feel like I am always leaving and I don't have a life. I am not reliable because who knows what my schedule is going to be? I cant hold a calling in church because I am not there very often! And my visiting teachers I am sure hate me! We have been in the ward we are in since we have been married and people think we are visitors still! That's pathetic! Anyway... I am sorry for all the venting! This has been on my mind everyday since I got married last October! If there is a secret that I don't know about let me in on it!

Ideas?

SO, my brother in law is getting married on the infamous 07-07-07 and like the good person that I am I wanted to help with all that I could, knowing my in laws are back in New Jersey and my brother in law and his fiance are actually living in Utah I thought I would be of some assistance where they couldn't help. SO, I was talking to my mother in law and she suggested that I would be in charge of the bridal shower. We are going to do it just a couple days before the wedding so that Brandon's sisters and mom from back east will be here for it. So no big deal right I have done this kind of a thing before. I even like this kind of thing. I love to entertain I just don't have any friends to do it with very often. SO, like I was saying, I am in charge of a bridal shower and I was wondering if you could remember what your favorite things were from your own bridal showers or of peoples that you have been to. I know why am I stressing about this? Well did I mention my Mother in law put me up to the task! Ya, she is incredible at stuff like this and I don't want her coming and thinking to her self if I wanted it done right I should have done it my self. It will be held in St. George because the bride her self is actually from here too, so it's kinda like my baby on my turf and I don't want to screw this up! Anyway, anything different, fun, creative things you can think of from previous bridal showers would be helpful. So put your little genius and creative minds to work, and lend me some ideas. Anything will do. Anything will be helpful. Thanks!