baby making...It's like a one two punch!

The baby making department has been on a low note this last month. It started with the exciting news from Brandon's brother that after going off birth control for only one month they got pregnant! They have been married about 6 months and it was a big shocker for everyone! When they called to tell us, they were really nervous to tell us because they knew we have been trying. It was so exciting but on the inside I was dieing. As soon as Brandon hung up the phone with his brother his mom called to see how we were doing and how we took the "news". She talked to Brandon for a while, the whole time I was shaking my head and mouthing to him "I don't want to talk to her.” (Not that I don't want to talk to her just the fact that I knew if I did talk to her I would lose it. The perfectly placed smile I had on my face pretending I wasn't hurting inside would be crumbled if I got a little sympathy from someone that has been there…) Then I here yeah she’s right here hold on... I gave Brandon "a look" and took the phone with a smile. I had to hurry to the other room before the tears bursted out of me. We were at our friends house and I didn't want to make a seen.
Then about a week later I felt really nauseous, my boobs hurt, my smelling senses where working like crazy everything I smelt I about heaved up whatever was in my stomach. I felt like I just had to be pregnant. I told my self I knew I would be pregnant when I got sick. I was getting excited like too excited when you lie awake at night thinking could this really be it? I knew I was getting my hopes up too high but I just couldn't help it. Then a few days later my cramps started and I about died! Every month when you are trying to get pregnant and you start it's horrible. But what makes it even worse is the fact that my cramps hurt like hell! It's seriously the biggest slap in the face! Not only do you find out you are not pregnant yet again but you are also in the worst pain ever! It's like a one two punch to the heart.
Anyway.. I am doing better I go a few months of being ok and then I'll have a really bad month! January was my bad month. Things are looking up for February and I am planning on going into the doctor next month. I went in a few months back and he told me to try for at least a year and then they will start looking at what might be the problem. Next month is our year mark for trying. I'll let you all know how it goes.
One more thing.. to all of you who ARE pregnant right now, don't for one second think that I am not happy for you or that you can't share your exciting news with me or be excited in front of me because I am happy for you, ALL of you. What an exciting time! It makes me happy to see your news and I look forward to seeing and reading your up dates so keep them coming!