I know it has been a very long time since I have posted last and I am sorry. Here's the thing, every time I got on my blog I was so sad because the only thing I have to blog about is how sick I am! And I know how old that gets (trust me) and it is not fun to read how much someone has thrown up so instead of boring you with the details of my days of puking, I just haven't posted I am sorry!
I am 14 weeks now Yahoo.. Things have gotten a little better even though I am still sick I have noticed a mild change. I occasionally have a good day out of the bunch and I actually clean cook and go grocery shopping when that happens. Then it seems like the next day I pay for it and I am SO sick again.
OK since I have written there is a lot I can tell you... I had an ultra sound at like week 9 I know way early right. anyway.. I HAD to know if there was more than one baby inside of me! I would literally pray every night to have multiples! I know I am an idiot. Anyway.. Heavenly Father decided one baby was good enough for us and my ultra sound proved there was just one little bean inside of me. I was a little disappointed I will have to admit, I feel so ungrateful for saying that but I was. I would have LOVED to have multiples heck make it a bunch a babies inside of me and I would only have to do this pregnancy thing once! yeah! that would have been nice. OK so I got over it really quickly and thought about all the pluses to having just one! and there was a lot I could think of. So needless to say I am over it.
OK, also I don't know if any of you know but Jessie Rich (well it's not rich any more but you know what I mean) had a baby girl. She is beautiful and they are doing well. But the reason why I am telling you... I was talking to Jessie, mostly confiding in her and telling her how I feel like an awful person because I am still in very much denial about having a baby! I was asking her when it hit her that she was pregnant? My friends I hang out with normally think I am crazy because it's almost like I forget that I am pregnant? Does any one else know what I am talking about? I thought it would all change when I herd the heart beat or when I saw it on the ultra sound or when I got bigger? but None of these things have changed how I felt. I keep waiting for my AH-HA moment as Oprah calls it but nothing of the sorts has really taken places. I feel like I am getting cheated out of this experience of being pregnant. My friends can't possibly imagine how I could forget I am pregnant when I am constantly sick! And I think that may be my problem. This last week or so when I have had a few hours of feeling better I have actually had the chance to be excited about the baby and think about colors in the nursery and things like that.. maybe when I feel better I will be a normal person again? Who knows? I just never thought I would be like this? I thought I would be painting the nursery already and buying baby furniture and clothes and making blankets? Yeah for your info I haven't bought one thing! not one for the baby. What is that supposed to mean?
The comforting thing was Jessie was the same way everything that she said I was thinking too. She said it didn't really hit her until she looked down and saw the baby's head was out when she was in labor. I think a small part of it may be in the back of my mind I think this is too good to be true. I have wanted nothing more then to be a mom for so long that I am terrified this is too good to be true. I don't want to live in fear and I don't think I do it's just the only thing that I can think of? Maybe it's just that we tried for so long that I just can't believe it is happening. From the second I saw the positive pregnancy test nothing has gone how I imagined it during all the time of waiting and wanting a baby. But oh well..
Don't get me wrong we ARE excited none the less, I try to talk about it more with Brandon because we don't talk about "the baby" that often. We have names though... we have a boy and a girl name. That made it more exciting when we decided on those. I will be finding out the sex next month, fingers crossed that we can tell! I will keep you more updated I promise and belly pictures will be coming soon.
Well there goes one more very public venting session!
10 comments:
I would forget all the time too...and then someone would ask me how I was feeling, and then I would remember.....oh yeah, I am pregnant....funny how that works. It will become a reality eventually, and I didn't buy anything for Annalise until after she was born (but that is thanks to all of the people who spoiled us), in time it will come.....and then sick will go away!
don't worry about how you are feeling, especially being sick right now your mind is trying to cope with that. Once you start feeling the baby move inside you that is the very BEST! it will remind you every day and night that there is a little one inside you! its awesome. also when you find out what you are having it helps, cause then you can start picking out things for them and it starts to feel real. give it a few more weeks and hopefully you will start to feel better, and it will feel more "real"! Good luck!
I didn't hit me until I went into labor with Alec... But this pg right now is so different I felt them moving and kicking so early that it hit me... It still hasn't hit me that I am having twins. I don't think I will get it until they are in my arms. Keep it up!
You are so sweet. Sorry that you have been so sick! I can't even imagine how that must be to feel like crap all the time. Hopefully it will pass soon.
You worry too much (although I'm sure I'll be the exact same way when I am pregnant). Just try to enjoy it and get excited to meet your sweet little baby!
You are so funny. And if it helps at all when I was pregnant with Kenton I was fine he was planned and everything and then when I was about 3 mo pregnant I freaked about having to always be in charge of this baby, not like a pet that you leave at home while you go out. You will do great! It will just come to ya!
I know exactly how you feel....except it is STILL not real to me. I was thinking about it the other day because people keep asking if it is weird having two kids and I just was thinking that it is still not real. I feel like I am babysitting someone elses baby temporarily....which i guess in the real scheme of things I am. Not that I don't totally love him but it still doesn't seem real like I have another child.
Heather... you are not alone! I never felt pregnant until I actually started to show and even then, at the very end, I never thought I REALLY was prego! Too crazy to comprehend! When I found out it was a boy at 20 weeks, I FINALLY bought something! I didn't do anything up until then. Still sometimes it doesn't feel real- that Lex is mine- that he came from me and Jake and out of my body! Wow! it is trippy! But SO COOL!! Don't beat yourself up about how you feel... it's all a bit surreal if you ask me!
Don't worry about buying too much stuff. Wait to see what you get from showers. For me pregnancy seemed more real when I could feel the baby kicking and knew for a fact (multiple times a day) that it was alive. I am sorry you have been so sick. Miserable.
HEATER! oh my gosh! I can't believe nobody told me you were pregnant:( I'm so excited for you! Kids are so fun! Don't feel bad... I look back and I can't even remember my pregnancy. It sucks that you get so sick and I'm living in stg right now so if i can do anything for you just let me know! It really seems like just yesterday you hubby was teaching victor the discussions! small world huh? well hope things get better!
Hey Heather I found your blog off of Jennifers- Congrats on being pregnant!!! Sorry that you are so sick. I just text messaged Brittany the other day to find out how you were doing, but...she never responded. Anways, Make sure you post when you find out if it is a boy or girl!!!
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