Hello All

12 weeks. I know I am huge for 12 weeks. 16 weeks. again I know I am huge

I am 18 weeks tomorrow!

I think it's time. I think I am ready to CHOP off my hair. I have only been talking about doing it for over a year now. I told my self when I am ready I will do it. Am I ready? I don't know? for those of you out there that are thinking wow she is thinking too hard about this it's only hair! well your wrong. This is a big decision. Some of you may not get that but it is to me. my hair is long.. and I am ready to change it, first I thought I would just do my regrowth because I have a million gray hairs but now I am thinking ill do what I do every summer and put high lights in it just to pacify me with some type of change. BUT I also think I might actually be ready to do something very drastic! OK for those of you with long hair when you cut it do you regret it instantly or are you so happy with the out come?

I never do my hair any more so what is the point of having long hair in the first place? plus it is SO long and St. George is very hot in the summer. Especially this summer because we just found out we need a new Air Conditioner! YEA! we had someone come out the other day charge us 80 bucks to let us know that it was broken and that we need to replace the whole entire unit! He was guessing it would cost us about 5,500 dollars! So you know THAT isn't going to happen anytime soon! We will have to sweat out the summer and then when the baby comes we will have to change that.

We are going to Cincinnati on Tuesday or wed. next week to visit Brandon's family. Everyone is flying out there to see His parents new place. They recently moved out there from New Jersey. We are super excited to see everyone! All of Brandon's siblings will be together for the first time in like over a year! We will be hitting up a Cincinnati Reds baseball game playing golf and probably doing a lot of shopping and eating. Cross your fingers that I have a lot of "good days" while I am out there.

I am still taking my meds to help with the nausea. I have more good days then bad now. That is a miracle! I still have bad days but now they are mixed with good ones so it makes them bearable! Everything I have been reading about the pregnancy says this is the best I will feel so enjoy it now! And I am! I have gotten so much stuff done since I have had more good days. It is nice.

We have been getting the nursery started! painting, painting, and everything else, we are practically under construction. Its a mess! I will post pics of our project soon! And as promised here are some belly pics!

Still Pregnant...

I know it has been a very long time since I have posted last and I am sorry. Here's the thing, every time I got on my blog I was so sad because the only thing I have to blog about is how sick I am! And I know how old that gets (trust me) and it is not fun to read how much someone has thrown up so instead of boring you with the details of my days of puking, I just haven't posted I am sorry!
I am 14 weeks now Yahoo.. Things have gotten a little better even though I am still sick I have noticed a mild change. I occasionally have a good day out of the bunch and I actually clean cook and go grocery shopping when that happens. Then it seems like the next day I pay for it and I am SO sick again.
OK since I have written there is a lot I can tell you... I had an ultra sound at like week 9 I know way early right. anyway.. I HAD to know if there was more than one baby inside of me! I would literally pray every night to have multiples! I know I am an idiot. Anyway.. Heavenly Father decided one baby was good enough for us and my ultra sound proved there was just one little bean inside of me. I was a little disappointed I will have to admit, I feel so ungrateful for saying that but I was. I would have LOVED to have multiples heck make it a bunch a babies inside of me and I would only have to do this pregnancy thing once! yeah! that would have been nice. OK so I got over it really quickly and thought about all the pluses to having just one! and there was a lot I could think of. So needless to say I am over it.

OK, also I don't know if any of you know but Jessie Rich (well it's not rich any more but you know what I mean) had a baby girl. She is beautiful and they are doing well. But the reason why I am telling you... I was talking to Jessie, mostly confiding in her and telling her how I feel like an awful person because I am still in very much denial about having a baby! I was asking her when it hit her that she was pregnant? My friends I hang out with normally think I am crazy because it's almost like I forget that I am pregnant? Does any one else know what I am talking about? I thought it would all change when I herd the heart beat or when I saw it on the ultra sound or when I got bigger? but None of these things have changed how I felt. I keep waiting for my AH-HA moment as Oprah calls it but nothing of the sorts has really taken places. I feel like I am getting cheated out of this experience of being pregnant. My friends can't possibly imagine how I could forget I am pregnant when I am constantly sick! And I think that may be my problem. This last week or so when I have had a few hours of feeling better I have actually had the chance to be excited about the baby and think about colors in the nursery and things like that.. maybe when I feel better I will be a normal person again? Who knows? I just never thought I would be like this? I thought I would be painting the nursery already and buying baby furniture and clothes and making blankets? Yeah for your info I haven't bought one thing! not one for the baby. What is that supposed to mean?
The comforting thing was Jessie was the same way everything that she said I was thinking too. She said it didn't really hit her until she looked down and saw the baby's head was out when she was in labor. I think a small part of it may be in the back of my mind I think this is too good to be true. I have wanted nothing more then to be a mom for so long that I am terrified this is too good to be true. I don't want to live in fear and I don't think I do it's just the only thing that I can think of? Maybe it's just that we tried for so long that I just can't believe it is happening. From the second I saw the positive pregnancy test nothing has gone how I imagined it during all the time of waiting and wanting a baby. But oh well..
Don't get me wrong we ARE excited none the less, I try to talk about it more with Brandon because we don't talk about "the baby" that often. We have names though... we have a boy and a girl name. That made it more exciting when we decided on those. I will be finding out the sex next month, fingers crossed that we can tell! I will keep you more updated I promise and belly pictures will be coming soon.
Well there goes one more very public venting session!

SICK SICK SICK!

We all new it would happen... I am SO sick! I have been awful, my house is a mess! I don't cook any more AT ALL. I don't even go grocery shopping. How in the world am I supposed to go fly? yeah not going to happen! My husband does everything. He works full time, comes home takes care of me, cleans the house, does the dishes and is such a sweet heart! Last Monday I threw up about 9 times.. Tuesday I wasn't keeping anything down. Brandon came home from work and notified me that we were going into the doctor, (he had taken half of the day off). We went in and got a prescription to Zofran. Which has made a big difference! I still get sick I still throw up but I can tell there is a difference. But the last couple days it has felt like the pills aren't working. I feel awful again! Brandon thinks that my sickness is just getting worse and that if I didn't have the Zofran it would be unbearable. And that it is doing something, even though I still feel crappy! I can't really leave the radius of the toilets. I went grocery shopping for the first time last night and I almost threw up a million times at Walmart. As soon as we got home I let it come out, I am just grateful I didn't do it at Walmart and cause the loud speaker to say "We need a clean up on isle 4, clean up on isle 4" that would have been bad! Nothing sounds good to eat! I cant smell anything either! Every time I need to eat something it is a struggle to find something I haven't already thrown up, something that actually sounds good and something that wont be too bad coming back up again! I have had a lot of help from friends and family. I have some friends that come over and clean my house and cook us dinner! How nice is that! I guess I will have to repay them someday! That's OK with me They have been lifesavers! Thanks Sarah and Stevo!

here we go...

OK, so I scheduled a doctor appointment with a doctor that I was referred to that specializes in helping women get pregnant. Two days before that appointment I took a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!

okay So I have known for 17 whole days and I haven't said anything yet... I thought I would do better but at the same time I have kept it in for a long time. Brandon and I had an eventful day on the Tuesday the 4th with finding out some of our really good friends were pregnant. We had been on the same schedule with our periods and we had both been spotting and not really starting.. So after we came home from celebrating with our friends (because we were at their house when they took their pregnancy test!!) WE took one... and it was positive! needless to say we were VERY shocked and very much in denial especially after just finding out our friends were pregnant! We have been very nervous after a year of trying that something might go wrong... and then last week we found out our friends the same ones that found out they were pregnant on the same night as us miss carried! :( that was a really hard week! So needless to say we have been very nervous to tell people! But this week I have been VERY SICK! My first throw up day was monumental and I was even excited after I threw up for the first time. I know who gets excited about that? ha ha! But we did, we took that as a good sign. :) But now I can do with out it! I am sick all day long! I am about seven weeks along so it's still very new! But fortunately I have already been to the doctor because I kept my originally doctor appointment for my fertility appointment. I already have an ultrasound scheduled for April 7th. My 40 weeks are up on November 8th!

It's beautiful here!

I love living in St. George. A couple weeks ago the weather started changing and everyone pulled out their summer clothes and flip flops! I love it! So Brandon and I gave each other pedicures so our feet would look beautiful in our sandals. It was a lot of fun. We did really good jobs. Last year for my birthday Brandon bought me a pedicure set. And all year he said he would give me one when I was ready for it. And a year later I redeemed my gift and we gave one to each other. We went all out with the foot mask, the foot balm, and the yummy stuff you put in the water to make it smell good and feel good on your feet. The pedicure set came with these little polka dotted booty socks and after my pedicure I wore them for a while then after Brandon's pedicure I made him wear them! He even polished my toes and choose the color. I polished his too with a clear coat. They looked really good and it was a lot of fun. :)

Happy Birthday to me!

So Yesterday was my birthday, the big 24! isn't it weird as we get older how birthdays seem to matter less and less. It seemed like any other day except for the fact that I got to use the birthday card every once and a while. (It's my Birthday dang it you have to do this, or I get to do this.. you know that sort of thing (: ) anyway.. it was fun, We had friends over last night and had dinner, and then we went bowling! I know when do you go bowling for your birthday unless you are in like 5th grade? well I guess I do. It was a tun of fun. We hang out with these other two couples all the time and play games and cards and have dinner over at each others houses all the time, but to actually get out and do something it was such a good time. I kicked some serious butt the first game with a dominating score of 152. By the second game I was so tired and sore (from my first game) that I couldn't keep up my streak. Seriously I was so sore, my hand hurt from griping the ball my fore arm hurt, my peak hurt, my back hurt, my shoulder hurt. I know I am way out of shape but this is pretty bad it was only a 9 Pound ball for crying out loud! Maybe it was all my victory dancing. We (meaning the two other girls and my self) made up a rule at the beginning of the 1st game that we had to have a victory dance at the end of each bowl that we did well at. You could get points for style, but most importantly creativity and originality. You couldn't do the same move twice. This is what made the game even better! So the second game my husband killed everything with a dominating score of 187! So that's my birthday story, a big thanks to my husband, Bashton (also known as Ben and Ashton), Sarah and Stevo for making my birthday a great one! Sorry I didn't bring the camera, so no pictures.. I know I am more upset about this then you are trust me!

baby making...It's like a one two punch!

The baby making department has been on a low note this last month. It started with the exciting news from Brandon's brother that after going off birth control for only one month they got pregnant! They have been married about 6 months and it was a big shocker for everyone! When they called to tell us, they were really nervous to tell us because they knew we have been trying. It was so exciting but on the inside I was dieing. As soon as Brandon hung up the phone with his brother his mom called to see how we were doing and how we took the "news". She talked to Brandon for a while, the whole time I was shaking my head and mouthing to him "I don't want to talk to her.” (Not that I don't want to talk to her just the fact that I knew if I did talk to her I would lose it. The perfectly placed smile I had on my face pretending I wasn't hurting inside would be crumbled if I got a little sympathy from someone that has been there…) Then I here yeah she’s right here hold on... I gave Brandon "a look" and took the phone with a smile. I had to hurry to the other room before the tears bursted out of me. We were at our friends house and I didn't want to make a seen.
Then about a week later I felt really nauseous, my boobs hurt, my smelling senses where working like crazy everything I smelt I about heaved up whatever was in my stomach. I felt like I just had to be pregnant. I told my self I knew I would be pregnant when I got sick. I was getting excited like too excited when you lie awake at night thinking could this really be it? I knew I was getting my hopes up too high but I just couldn't help it. Then a few days later my cramps started and I about died! Every month when you are trying to get pregnant and you start it's horrible. But what makes it even worse is the fact that my cramps hurt like hell! It's seriously the biggest slap in the face! Not only do you find out you are not pregnant yet again but you are also in the worst pain ever! It's like a one two punch to the heart.
Anyway.. I am doing better I go a few months of being ok and then I'll have a really bad month! January was my bad month. Things are looking up for February and I am planning on going into the doctor next month. I went in a few months back and he told me to try for at least a year and then they will start looking at what might be the problem. Next month is our year mark for trying. I'll let you all know how it goes.
One more thing.. to all of you who ARE pregnant right now, don't for one second think that I am not happy for you or that you can't share your exciting news with me or be excited in front of me because I am happy for you, ALL of you. What an exciting time! It makes me happy to see your news and I look forward to seeing and reading your up dates so keep them coming!

gray

So it's official we have our new computer! and the internet is hooked up. I have been on it practically all day. I finnally had to take a break and put on some clothes and some make up. now I fill a little better about my self. I did a lot of cleaning yesterday so I don't feel as guilty sitting here on the computer. So the reason for this post... I am going gray! I knew it was inevitable and someday I would have to surrender to my fate and die my hair every month but I didn't think it would come just shy of my 24th birthday! My mom is completely gray and so are some of my uncles and my grandma (all on my moms side). That just so happens to be the side of the family that I take after. I am just like my mom, when people from my moms past see me they think I look just like her. My mom started going gray really young too. :( I noticed the gray hairs about a month ago, and I started seeing more and more, I died my hair and my re-growth is coming in it's not way noticable because my natural hair color is close to what I die it but I already have gray re-growth! I know... I guess I just have to accept defeat and by boxes of hair die in bulk!

Computer/Internet Shopping

Hello everyone,

I know I am the biggest slacker in the blogging world but here I am once again. I know you don't know this about me but I have gone through moving out getting married and still not surrendering and getting the Internet and a computer! I know I know how could I have lasted this long? And how could I be the amazing blogger with out it? (well... maybe that's why I am a horrible blogger?) Anyway with over a year of my husband asking for a computer and Internet I finally have come to a point in my life where I really NEED it. I have never thought I needed it that badly I know it was inconvenient and it would be way better if we had our own! but I am such a cheap skate sometimes. and Internet is expensive! My parents live about a 30 second drive from my house and we have been using theirs. The turning point came when I was called as the Secretary in the Primary for our ward. I was shocked and scared to accept the call (over the phone may I add, right before we walked out the door to go to church) I didn't realize how much my new calling required computer work. So I am caving and we have been computer shopping.. A LOT. Needless to say we are excited about it! And if nothing else then perhaps I will become a better blogger out of it!

New family pics

new family pictures... we were going to do them outside but it ended up being bad weather so we threw something together at the last minute in the house, my mom hates them so we are doing them again. :) that's okay with us fortunately none of us are camera shy!

I am so excited we had Christmas with my family last night and it was a big success! and now tomorrow we are flying out to New Jersey for more family and Christmas fun! Brandon and I have been very blessed in our lives to have awesome in-laws! We both love hanging out with each others families! :)